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Last week a paparazzo dropped by our office to try and sell nude photographs of Miley Cyrus. When we realized the pictures were of him in a Hannah Montana wig, we kindly asked him to leave. That’s when he took a baseball bat to the DailyFill mainframe and temporarily shut down the site. While we work to restore access for all our wonderful readers, catch up on some of our favorite news, gossip and photos from the past week.

Chris Brown Licks Fan On Stage

Oh Breezy, you just do whatever the hell you want, don’t you? Chris Brown loves to make his concerts an interactive experience by picking out an attractive groupie and molesting her on stage. During a recent concert in Detroit, Brown took things further than normal. She doesn’t seem to mind. Are you jealous, or creeped out?

Taylor Lautner’s Abduction Is Dead On Arrival, Just Like Him And Lily Collins

We’ve been saying for months that Taylor Lautner and Lily Collins secretly broke up, despite what you hear from other outlets. We predicted that soon after the Abduction premiere news of the split would go public. Turns out their relationship was never very serious, but considering how abysmal the film ended up being, producers needed every bit of publicity they could get. How bad was the movie? A week after the movie hit theaters, it only had two positive reviews, and they were both from the same site.

Justin Bieber Takes Selena Gomez On Epic Titanic Date Night

This week Justin told fans it’s important to treat your lady right and keep the romance alive. Unfortunately, most of us don’t have $100,000 to blow on a dinner and a movie. But Justin Bieber does. After taking Selena to see friend Demi Lovato in concert, Justin led her through a private underground tunnel to the Staples Center, where he arranged a four-star meal and private screening of the movie Titanic. He’s not just rich, famous and cute, he’s a romantic too!

Miley Cyrus Sex Tape?! Selena Gomez Breast Implants?!

Does Miley Cyrus have a sex tape? Did good girl Selena Gomez get a boob job? Do we really have to say it… NO! But that didn’t stop a number of sites from passing on these false rumors. A Miley look-a-like recorded an adult film that fooled some sites, but there’s no Cyrus sex tape leaking on the Interwebs. At least not yet.

Why did some fans think Gomez went under the knife under her shirt? She showed up to the zoo with her divorced parents sporting a lowcut shirt and some major cleavage (pics here). After consulting the experts, we can conclusively confirm that she did not get breast implants. Just a really good bra. Over the last few months Selena has been quietly amping up her sex appeal. Her onstage outfits get skimpier every week.

With Megan Fox set to host SNL (and most likely be really unfunny), we wanted to look back at some awful SNL hosts throughout the history of the show. Sadly, comedy on the show has fallen victim to the trend of booking hosts who are “hot”, but painfully unfunny. Below, we’ve listed the most comedically-challenged SNL hosts throughout the show’s history.

1  Paris Hilton (Feb 5, 2005)
How letting Paris Hilton host Saturday Night Live ever seemed like a good idea is a complete mystery, but we assume it involved copious amounts of illicit substances. Among the many sketches which bombed were “The Expensive Purse,” in which Paris Hilton and that incredibly unfunny guy named Finesse (who is dressed like a woman) fight over a purse neither of them can afford. Keenan Thompson was also there to make it extra-lame. Also helping that cause is the fact that Paris can’t act. Then there was a “Merv the Perv” sketch which forced Paris to decide whether or not to go to prom with recurring character “Merv the Perv” played by Chris Parnell. She went against every one of her real life instincts and chose another dude. The fact that Paris Hilton couldn’t even pretend to act like a Barbie doll, the toy she has based her entire persona upon, in the “Inside Barbie’s Dreamhouse” proves that she might be dumber than we had previously suspected, which we didn’t think was possible.
2  Nancy Kerrigan (March 12, 1994)
Proof that athletes should not host SNL, Nancy Kerrigan managed to ruin an entire episode by not being able to act or even having a sense of humor. For the most part writers asked her only to play herself, a task that proved far too daunting for a person whose greatest skill in life is spinning around in circles really fast. There was “Sports Beat,” a sketch with Kerrigan playing herself along with two other Olympian medalists, one of whom was shot in the face. Should have been hilarious, but it wasn’t at all. And of course there were recurring sketches of Kerrigan being rude to people at Disney World, which were painfully unfunny, unlike when she did it in real life.
3  Lance Armstrong (Oct 29, 2005)
Maybe the problem is that the SNL team’s strength isn’t sports comedy, which is why whenever they make one of these famous athletes host to pick up some viewers, it never ends well. Athletes aren’t actors (with the possible exception of Dan Marino. Oh, and OJ), and when you put somebody like Lance Armstrong at the helm, you just end up with a bunch of sketches of Lance Armstrong playing himself. How long is that funny for? Not an hour and a half.
4  Michael Phelps (Sept 13, 2008)
Really? A guy who swims? Somebody thought that a guy who swims should host Saturday Night Live? Do they even care if it’s funny anymore, or is their biggest concern getting enough viewers for Budweiser? What a bad, bad idea. In every sketch he either plays a swimmer, himself, or somebody who may be mildly retarded (possibly also himself), and the worst part is that in addition to not learning his lines, he was apparently too busy doing laps to learn how to read.
5  Steven Segal (April 20, 1991)
The only funny things about Steven Seagal are his ponytail and his penchant for silk pajamas, both completely unintential. Nevertheless, he was the host of an ill-fated episode of Saturday Night Live in 1991, performing as himself in a Hans and Franz sketch, a guy who is just like himself in another, and doing a pretty shoddy Andrew Dice Clay impression. He was also such a jerk with such a lousy sense of humor that he’s been banned from the show. Why aren’t we surprised?
6  M.C. Hammer (Dec 7, 1991)
Technically by this point he was going as just “Hammer,” that should have been the first tip off that things were not going to go well. The second? That he’s M.C. Hammer and has no business hosting a live comedy show. Actually they let him perform three songs, so that kind of kept him from having to act too much. “Memorable” sketches include his portrayal of Wilt Chamberlain as a man who loved women and french fries.
7  Carl Weathers (Jan 30, 1988)
Yes he was Apollo Creed, but when it came to Saturday Night Live, Carl Weathers just didn’t have what it takes to get a stew goin’. Years later, after he did a lousy job hosting, he had a cameo on an episode with Justin Timberlake that was pretty awesome (see video below). The best thing to come out of that episode in ‘88 was the fact that they didn’t have to put Darrell Hammond in blackface to pick on Jesse Jackson.

8  Jodie Foster (Nov 27, 1976(

Letting 14-year old Jodie Foster host SNL was about as smart as making Anthony Michael Hall part of the cast, which is to say it was a terrible idea. The writers couldn’t decide whether to write for teenage prostitute Jodie Foster, or to actually write for a kid, so they chose a kind of middle ground, putting her in sketches where she sort of hints that she maybe has the hots for her teacher, and another one about how she doesn’t believe in bees, even though she thinks Pink Floyd is really awesome. AWwwwwwwkward.

9  Robert DeNiro (Dec 7, 2002)

Who would have guessed it, but Robert De Niro really sucked his first time around on SNL. For starters, he gave what was probably the shortest opening monologue in the history of the show, which closed with a “boy I really regret doing this” type of joke. Then, he had that whole “I can’t memorize my lines and I’m old so I’m going to struggle to read the cue cards all night long” thing going on. And for the most part they just put him in tough guy roles and made him play the tough guy all night while ridiculous things happened to him. Tough Guy Peter Pan, Tough Guy Santa Claus, Tough Guy Dad. Also, it’s probably not a good idea to make freaking ROBERT DE NIRO cluelessly imply that he is going to give a gay man a blow job whilst simultaneously mocking an entire race of people. Just a thought.


SNL-Robert Deniro

Marion | MySpace Video

10  Jon Bon Jovi (Oct 13, 2007)

Oh, Bon Jovi, how did you ever get a gig hosting SNL? And it played out pretty much as expected, with Jon playing himself, ruining a perfectly good Italian impression by Bill Hader, and not even being able to make it all the way through his monologue without singing a terrible new Bon Jovi song.

11 Donald Trump (April 3, 2004)

What could be worse than an entire evening of Donald Trump-themed “comedy”? No really, that wasn’t a rhetorical question. Thanks so much, NBC for that 1.5 hour long promo for “The Apprentice.” Shameless, stupid, and completely unfunny.

15 Secret Celebrity Voice Overs

Have you ever been watching television and been overwhelmed by the awful feeling that Queen Latifah just told you to buy a pizza? Well she did. Celebrities can lend their voices to commercials for some easy money without the shame of having to travel to Japan to do an ad and then be ridiculed on YouTube six weeks later, which pretty much makes it a win-win for them. You’d be surprised just how many notable actors and actresses have secretly stooped to embarrassing lows. It’s not just Her Royal Highness; some pretty dignified (read: weren’t in The Last Holiday) actors have whored themselves for a quick buck. Here are fifteen of our favorite secret celebrity voice overs.

1  Kevin Spacey — Honda

Ah yes, Kevin Spacey for Honda. Honda — when you need a car that’s both fuel efficient and suggests you’re sexually ambivalent. It’s the car you can take your mom to the Oscars in.

2  John Krasinski — Blackberry

Wouldn’t it make sense for BlackBerry to get somebody more like Jon Hamm than John Krasinski to represent them? Somebody whose voice suggests cool, manly professionalism, rather than a dude who sounds like he’s about two hairs away from blurting out “Zoinks, Scoobs!”?

3  Forrest Whitaker — Citi Bank
Forest Whitaker is just about the last person you’d expect to be confidently telling you the many perks of digging yourself deep into credit card debt. Isn’t he supposed to be having an interview somewhere where he looks really bashful and spends most of his time looking at the floor and pretending he’s not that great?
4  George Clooney — Budweiser

Was this Budweiser’s ploy to get more women in their late-40’s to drink their beer? Or is George Clooney just trying to get back in touch with middle America after alienating it with his sudden urge to make self-important political movies?

5  Will Arnett — GMC

With a voice deeper than the ocean, it’s no surprise that Arnett was GMC’s choice to be the salesperson for their man-targeted products. It’s another sad consequence of “Arrested Development” going off the air. If Fox had brought the series back, Arnett wouldn’t have had to become a car salesman.

6  Tom Waits  – Butcher’s Blend Dog Food

Okay, so maybe Tom Waits isn’t the biggest celebrity in the world, but for those who are familiar with the man, it is more than slightly hilarious to look up his old dog food commercial on YouTube and listen to him whisper, over a bit of jazz, ‘mmm…beef…liver…bacon,’ which simultaneously proves that the 80’s were totally awesome and that Tom Waits could read the ingredients on a box of Bisquick and still sound like the coolest dude on Earth.

7  Gene Hackman — Lowes Home Improvement

Apparently Darth Vader was unavailable, so Lowe’s had to book the second-most evil voice for their commercials. Because when Lex Luthor tells you to buy a patio set, you buy a freaking patio set.

8  Jeff Bridges — Duracel

If Duracell was trying to set themselves apart from Energizer, they certainly did a good job. The image of Jeff Bridges wearing a bathrobe, sunglasses, and clutching a White Russian is about as far from a hot pink rabbit playing a bass drum as humanly possible. But that’s just, like, one opinion, man.

9  Kelsey Grammer — Original Geico Gecko

Yes, that’s right — Kelsey Grammer was the original Geico Gecko. You will notice a drastic improvement in their stock once he left. Perhaps Geico heard the blues a’callin’.

10  Alec Baldwin — Lincoln, Suburu, Sony, MTV, AIG Auto Insurance, Chevrolet, Northwest Airlines, Disney World

Jesus Christ, Alec. Why don’t you give some of this voice-over work to your brothers so they can quit filing for bankruptcy? Aren’t you kind of set for life? Look at poor Stephen, he couldn’t even hold a job hosting “Scare Tactics” and you’re just taking it all for yourself. Tsk. Tsk.

11 Zac Braff — Pur Water Filter

Zach Braff wants you to buy a water filter. We want to buy a Braff filter. But, like our Pur filter, if we had a Braff filer, we’d probably forget to change it every three months and then BAM! “Scrubs” will announce that its on the air for a 20th season.

12  Billy Crudup — Mastercard

Billy Crudup always seemed like one of those serious actors who would refer to their “craft” and take themselves way too seriously. At least he did until you find out he’s the guy who’s been telling you it’s “priceless” to pay for something at a gas station with a credit card.

13  Christian Slater — Panasonic

Panasonic couldn’t afford Jack Nicholson, so they settled for the next best thing – a guy who sounds a lot like him and will work for cheeseburgers!

14  David Duchovny — Pedigree Dog Adoption

There must be a way to get David Duchovny’s sex addiction to play into these commercials. Like maybe he could say “adopt this dog, or I will have sex with it.” That would get some dogs into safe homes really quick.

15  James Spader — Acura

Who knew Acura was a car for off-putting rich a-holes who are creepy and will get you dumped just before prom? Seriously, this might be one to rethink. Because it not only implies that the owner of the car is a total jerk, but also that they are going to age really, really poorly.

With Toy Story 3 set to take over theaters this month, Pixar will soon be 11 for 11 in producing films that are successful both critically and commercially. The fact that a studio unknown to the world just 14 years ago has found such great success without relying heavily on franchises and sequels is pretty impressive. With the exception of Toy Story, Pixar has produced blockbuster after blockbuster – all featuring original characters and memorable story-lines – a rarity in today’s marketplace.

Don’t get us wrong – we’re a sucker for franchises as much as anyone. We’ll be first in line for the next Star Trek movie, regardless of how many lens flares are in it. However, it is important to take note that Pixar is doing something different than everyone else out there. Below, we’ve created a graphic comparing the Emeryville-based studio to a few of Hollywood’s greatest franchises. Taking into account total box office, box office average, and Rotten Tomatoes average, the graphic below shows how Pixar’s films have stacked up against some of the biggest blockbusters of all time.

Note: A thumbs up denotes that an average is superior to that of Pixar’s. A thumbs down denotes that it is worse.

*Does not include earnings from Up!

From Adam Lambert’s raunchy AMA performance to the wildly popular “Ellen DeGeneres Show,” it’s clear that ideas about gays and lesbians have changed in Hollywood. While audiences still have a strong reaction to overtly homosexual material, the days of Hollywood actors taking on sham marriages to hide their lifestyles are long gone. In a world of Perez Hilton, facebook, and bloggers, it’s hard for any celebrity to hide anything. But over the last 20 years, there were many brave celebrities who were not afraid to come out of the closet on their own terms. While no one on this list is a traditional leading man, they still paved the way for the Neil Patrick Harris’ and the Lance Bass’ of the future.

1 Ian McKellen

McKellen, an award-winning actor whose work has crossed every genre from Shakespearean to Tolkien, came out openly on the BBC in 1988. McKellen felt compelled to come out in reaction to a proposed government bill in England, “Section 28,” that would have outlawed “promoting homosexuality or publishing material that would promote homosexuality.” McKellen later became the first openly gay actor to be knighted by the Queen, and went on to massive international success as Magneto in the blockbuster series X-Men, and as Gandalf in The Lord of the Rings Trilogy.

2 Rupert Everett

Rupert Everett’s first break as an actor was playing a gay schoolboy opposite Colin Firth inAnother Country (1984). He became a sensation in England, but it wasn’t until 1989 that he formally came out of the closet. Due to his good looks and leading man roles, many thought this would hurt his career. He went on to play the gay best friend to Julia Roberts and Madonna inMy Best Friend’s Wedding and The Next Best Thing. Everett’s success in Hollywood lasted for a few years, but has dropped off considerably. Everett has made several statements regarding his sexuality hurting his career as a leading man.

3  Rosie O’Donnell

Rosie O’Donnell slowly rose to fame as a stand up comedian, and by playing the roll of “best friend” to leading ladies in such blockbusters as A League of Their Own, Sleepless in Seattle, and The Flintstones. However, it was her daytime talk show, “The Rosie O’Donnell Show,” that shot her to fame in 1996. A critical and commercial success, O’Donnell remained vague about her sexuality until the last two months of her show in 2002. Audiences seemed to like ‘the queen of nice’ over her newer, lesbian image. Since coming out, Rosie’s career has been varied. She launched a magazine, but left in a legal controversy after bitter problems with the publisher. With a failed magazine launch, a controversial stint on “The View” including a verbal battle with Donald Trump, two books, and a Broadway show, Rosie keeps busy. Always an outspoken advocate, especially for adopted and foster children, O’Donnell has donated approximately $100 million dollars to various charities.

4  Ellen DeGeneres

Ellen DeGeneres, a stand up comedian, was the star of her successful sitcom, Ellen, when she came out publicly on “The Oprah Winfrey Show” in 1997. Her character subsequently came out on television in one of the highest-rated episodes. When the show lost popularity, Ellen and others blamed her sexuality and people’s reaction to it. However, she went back to stand up, filmed several successful stand up shows and became the voice of Dora in the Pixar blockbuster, Finding Nemo. Since then, Ellen launched the daytime talk show, “The Ellen DeGeneres Show,” which is still hugely popular. She’s since hosted the Emmys, the Oscars, and recently became the new judge for the 9th season of “American Idol.” She married her partner, Portia de Rossi, in 2008.

5  Elton John

Elton John is one of the most successful musicians of all time. As a singer, songwriter, pianist, and composer he’s sold more than 200 million records. He’s won Grammys, Oscars, a Tony and a Golden Globe amongst other awards. In an article in “Rolling Stone” in 1976, Elton admitted that he was bisexual. Eight years later, he married Renate Blauel. He divorced her in 1988 and renounced his claimed bisexuality and admitted to being gay. He married his longtime partner, David Furnish, in 2005. Since coming out of the closet, Elton John’s success has continued with his work on The Lion King and his altered version of “Candle in the Wind” after Lady Diana’s death. He’s also established the Elton John AIDS Foundation which has raised millions for AIDS research, awareness, and anti-discrimination.

6  K. D. Lang

Country music recording artist, k. d. Lang, began as a backup singer to Roy Orbison. She rocketed to fame when they recorded the Grammy award-winning “Crying” in 1987. Lang came out in 1992 in the gay-rights news magazine, “The Advocate.” Later she expressed concern that country music fans would shun her, but said they were very accepting. It was her pro-PETA, anti-cattle ranching stance that upset country music fans much more than her being lesbian.

7. Brian Singer

The director of such hits as The Usual Suspect, X-Men, X2: X-Men United, and Superman Returns, Bryan Singer has always been openly gay. His second feature film, The Usual Suspects, was a commercial and critical hit, winning multiple Academy Awards. His most recent film, Valkyrie, was a modest success. He is also an executive producer on the Fox Television series “House.”

8  Lilly Tomlin

Lily Tomlin started her career doing characters and sketches on “Laugh In.” She’s been nominated for an Academy Award for Nashville, and starred in such hits as All of Me, 9 to 5, andThe Incredible Shrinking Woman. While Lily Tomlin officially came out in 2001, her sexuality was widely known and accepted in Hollywood for decades. She’s been with her life partner, Jane Wagner, since 1971. Tomlin continues to work in film and television and is currently on “Desperate Housewives.”

9  Roland Emmerich

Roland Emmerich’s films have grossed more than $3 billion worldwide. If there is a disaster to depict on film, Emmerich is your man. Films such as Independence Day, Godzilla, The Day After Tomorrow and the most recent hit, 2012 have made him one of the most financially successful Hollywood directors ever. The German born director is openly gay and actively supports gay and lesbian causes and equal rights.

10  Nathan Lane

Interestingly enough, Nathan Lane’s big Hollywood break came playing Robin William’s gay lover in the hit film The Birdcage. It’s an adaptation of the Broadway musical “Les Cage Aux Folles” about two gay parents who pretend to be straight for their future daughter-in-law’s conservative parents. Lane had worked on Broadway in a variety of shows, but it was this performance that made him a household name. He came out in 1998 after the brutal murder of Matthew Shepard. Since then, Lane has had success on Broadway in the smash hits “The Producers” and “A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum.”

With Beyonce’s ridiculous movie, Obsessed, leading the box office this past weekend, we started thinking about the appeal of cinematic catfights and some of the most memorable ones of all time. Although catfights between attractive female actors are just an easy way to sell tickets to excitable male audiences, that doesn’t mean we still can’t enjoy them.

#1 Kill Bill, Vol. 2 (2004): Uma Thurman and Daryl Hannah

2 Two Days in the Valley (1996): Charlize Theron and Teri Hatcher

#3 Scary Movie 2 (2001): Anna Faris and a Cat

#4 One Million Years B.C. (1966): Raquel Welch and Martine Beswick

#5 Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon (2000): Zhang Ziyi and Michelle Yeo

#6 Disaster Movie (2008): Carmen Electra and Kim Kardashian

#7 Catwoman (2004): Halle Berry and Sharon Stone

#8 True Lies (1994): Jamie Lee Curtis and Tia Carrere

#9 Foxy Brown (1974): Pam Grier and Jeannie Epper

#10 The Legend of Frenchie King (1971): Brigitte Bardot and Claudia Cardinale

#11 Lovedwrecked (2005): Amanda Bynes and Jamie-Lynn DiScala

They say beauty is only skin deep, but for some people, even that’s not true. Luckily, there is treatment for those of us that are aesthetically challenged: money. No one knows this better than Hollywood’s leading ladies. From eye lifts to boob jobs, you’d be hard pressed to find a popular actress who hasn’t had at least some work done. Even if they start out as natural beauties, they soon turn to the doctors to help them maintain. Here’s a look at the cosmetic surgery stats of some of today’s most popular starlets.

Click on the image below to enlarge.

Celebrity Scientologists often make it their agenda to promote their sci-fi inspired beliefs. Every third sentence is about a space opera and how to get started on a great opportunity that will change your life. All you need is a 7-figure balance, a Paypal account, and no grasp of common sense and you too can befriend celebrities who believe 75 million years ago there was an intergalactic ruler called Xenu (Zee-Noo) who killed off the alien population. Of course, many rational citizens of Teegeeack (Earth) don’t believe such things. Here is a list of anti-scientology celebrities with enough common sense to keep their bank accounts intact.

1 Jason Beghe

Nicole Kidman’s escape from Tom Cruise rejection of Scientology might be more famous, but Beghe’s renunciation of the church is the most startling. In 1998, Beghe co-starred with Demi Moore in G.I. Jane. He’s also been on numerous TV shows such as “Criminal Minds,” “Numb3rs” and “CSI.” Beghe’s acting skills and status as a top Scientologist (OT5, just a couple notches below Tom Cruise crazy) made him a great candidate to appear in promo work for the Church of Scientology. But now, Beghe has severed ties with the church and has gone as far as to call the church f*cked up and full of lies. Perhaps the most damning indictment against Scientology is that for 14 years Jason Beghe, a celebrity I’ve never heard of, was one of the primary spokespersons for a cult known for advancing the careers of celebrities. But yeah, I guess years as a Scientologist did lift Beghe to the level of “that guy,” as in “that guy, he was in, uhm, I can’t quite place him or remember his name, but he was in a few b-movies. Right?”

2 Trey Parker and Matt Stone

I didn’t see what the fuss over Scientology was until the late Isaac Hayes took offense to South Park’s Scientology episode. Hayes hypocritically resigned when Scientology was ridiculed, this after years of watching as South Park slammed other religions with the same crass, nothing is sacred humor. Next came Closetgate in 2006 when Tom Cruise threatened Comedy Central parent Viacom to boycott promoting Mission Impossible III if Comedy Central were to rebroadcast the South Park Scientology episode. In a statement made to Daily Variety, Matt Stone and Trey Parker had this to say: “So, Scientology, you may have won THIS battle, but the million-year war for earth has just begun! Temporarily anozinizing our episode will NOT stop us from keeping Thetans forever trapped in your pitiful man-bodies… You have obsructed us for now, but your feeble bid to save humanity will fail!” In the episode, South Park explains what Scientologists believe: BULLSHIT.

3 Dr. Drew

Scientologists claim there’s no scientific basis for the medical treatment of psychiatric illnesses. Hence, they believe psychiatrists like Dr. Drew have directly caused every horror over the past many millions of years. It’s because of these anti-psychiatric beliefs that someone as batshit as Tom Cruise is walking around without meds. Not to mention without weight-loss pills. Kirstie Alley looks like a walrus ate her. By the way, these aren’t insults (Kirstie loves the Beatles, “I am the walrus, Koo-koo ka choo!”), it’s the qualified opinion of Dr. Drew. Drew Pinsky, a board-certified specialist and host of a nationally syndicated talk show, Loveline, said this about Tom Cruise: “A lot of people in the public eye who behave strangely have mental illness we can learn from, and much of it is based on childhood trauma, without a doubt. Take a guy like Tom Cruise. Why would somebody be drawn into a cultish kind of environment like Scientology? To me, that’s a function of a very deep emptiness and suggests serious neglect in childhood, maybe some abuse, but mostly neglect.”

4 Paul Haggis

The Director and writer of Crash as well as the screenwriter of Million Dollar Baby and Quantum of Solace, Paul Haggis was an active member of the Church of Scientology for 35 years. He was motivated to leave because of Scientology’s silence over Prop 8 and other gay right’s issues. So, it doesn’t look like Haggis took a rational eye to the tinfoil alien beginnings of mankind, inasmuch as he just got upset about their lack of Gay Pride. It’s a borderline attack, but we commend anyone who says, I’m queer! I’m here! And I’m fabulous! In a real quote, Haggis stated, “They wouldn’t do what I wanted them to do, so I’m gonna’ denounce them.” Scientologists later released a statement saying Haggis was the queen of hissy fits.

5 Elvis Presley

It’s been widely reported that L. Ron Hubbard said, “If a man really wants to make a million dollars, the best way would be to start his own religion.” And for that reason, Elvis would not get started on Scientology. You couldn’t pry money or Kentucky Fried chicken from the King’s greasy paws. Alanna Nash writes in Elvis Aaron Presley: Revelations From The Memphis Mafia: “One day, in LA, we got in the limousine and went down to the Scientology Centre on Sunset, and Elvis went in and talked to them. We waited in the car, but apparently they started doing all these charts and crap for him. Elvis came out and said “Fuck those people! There’s no way I’ll ever get involved with that son-of-a-bitchin’ group. All they want is my money.” Well, Peggy still kept on about it, so Elvis didn’t date her any more. And he stayed away from Scientology like it was a cobra. He’d shit a brick to see how far Lisa Marie’s gotten into it.” Lisa Marie Presley, heir to the Elvis estate, apparently didn’t inherit her father’s dislike for the religion. Her marriage to Michael Jackson ended after 20 months, as did her 4 month grip on Nicholas Cage’s manhood. The divorce between Jacko and Lisa Marie cited irreconcilable differences, but a factor appeared to be Jacko couldn’t get out of his billion year contract to Joe Jackson or he’d get the smackdown. That, and he liked little boys. What? Sorry, but if Scientologists can gloss over that, then so can I.

6 Rob Thomas

You know Rob Thomas as the guy who sang with Santana once (he’s also sold over 80 million records worldwide, proving once again that if it makes my ears bleed, then it’s music). In 2005, someone with no evidence whatsoever supplied a rumor that Thomas, lead singer of Matchbox Twenty, was linked to having extra-sexual affairs with Tom Cruise. I knew this was coming out! However, Thomas denied any extra-sexual activity (I mean extra-marital, but damn my dyslexics!!), and said “If I were gay, Tom wouldn’t be on the top of my list. It would be Brad Pitt.” Thomas was actually more upset with other rumors, and said “I’m more offended by the rumors saying I’m Scientologist.” Either way, Thomas is definitely not having sex with men or women, since he’s married. Duh! There are like oaths involved with marriage. And just like that Asian male flight attendant’s Katie Holmes’ contract with Tom Cruise, you can’t break an oath.

7 David Duchovny

The man who played Mulder on “X-files” wants the truth out there about Scientology, as he’s seen how the pseudo religion ruins lives and friendships. Former scientologist Jason Beghe (Duchovny’s childhood pal) was the best man at his marriage to actress Tea Leoni. However, Beghe’s 14 years as a Scientologist often strained their lifelong friendship. Here, on Duchovny’s television series Californication, a woman is crushed because she found out that her boyfriend is gay. With first hand knowledge of exterrestials and second hand knowledge of Scientology, David responds, “Well, it could be worse, he could be … A SCIENTOLOGIST.”

8 Steve Martin

Steve Martin, a comedian/actor known for his roles in movies like The Jerk, Parenthood, and Father of the Bride, took a thinly veiled jab at Scientology with his feature film Bowfinger. Martin has denied that the film’s pseudo-religious organization MindHead is based on Scientology, specifically claiming it to be more a pastiche of various other things he had observed. However, if MindHead were a Scientology substitute, it would be complete with levels and stages and celebrities with sexual orientation issues. Also, during the 2009 Oscars, in what had to be a swipe at Scientology, Martin and Tina Fey extolled the power of their made up religion’s ”Alien King Rondelay.”

9 Stephen Colbert

Religions are continually ridiculed by popular late night talk show hosts. But even by religious standards, Scientology has taken quite a beating. Stephen Colbert has made a name for himself as one of the funniest hosts in the game on “The Colbert Report.” In the following intro, Colbert comments on Wiki vs. Scientology, but don’t miss the Best of Colbert on Scientology.

The Colbert Report Mon – Thurs 11:30pm / 10:30c
Intro – 06/04/09
www.colbertnation.com
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10 Tom Berenger

Nicole Kidman isn’t the only celebrity to call it quits over Scientology. Nope, thetans have broken up a lot of marriages. In 1997 Tom Berenger, famous for his roles in The Big Chill, Major League, and Platoon, divorced Lisa Williams, his wife of 11 years. According to reports, the marriage and his participation in Scientology ended when she started brainwashing their children into the cult. Berenger’s career went downhill following his public criticism of Scientology. In the late 90s, Berenger, then a good buddy of Tom Cruise, was quoted as saying “Once we convert Tom Selleck, the trio of Toms will bring true uplifting to the masses of The States.” Sadly, Selleck and Berenger being mentioned in league with Tom Cruise makes the 80s and 90s seem like ages ago.

Paul Giamatti Is Frustrated

Paul Giamatti, Hollywood’s most lovable troll, is at it again. In the film Cold Souls (set to be released this coming weekend), he portrays a fictionalized version of himself – a man who is perpetually anxious and frustrated – pretty much exactly how we all assume him to be in real life. Don’t get us wrong; Giamatti is one of the most talented actors working today but like many in Hollywood, he tends to play characters in a similar fashion. Again, we’re not complaining. Plenty of actors do it. Everyone knows Al Pacino to be an angry fellow. Michael Cera plays awkward quite well. And Giamatti? Well, he’s pretty much always frustrated…in a way that makes you want to give him a big old hug, pat him on the back and say “It’s okay little guy, you’ll get laid soon enough!” As a tribute to the man who doesn’t want any of your f#cking Merlot, we compiled a brief history of his frustration.

Click here to check out “Michael Cera is Confused”

Web Of Seinfeld

With the announcement that the cast is reuniting for the upcoming season of “Curb Your Enthusiasm,” we felt obliged to take a look back at the world of “Seinfeld” … and what a hilarious world it was. The Soup Nazi. Izzy Mandelbaum. Peterman. Puddy. Newman. And in our humble opinion, when it comes to creating memorable supporting characters, it’s right up there with “The Simpsons”. The following map shows how the most notable bit characters were connected to the main cast (with the actors who portrayed them in parenthesis). One piece of data we found interesting? How many girlfriends Jerry had over the years. That guy didn’t just slay with his jokes. The man was quite the lady killer.

(Click to enlarge)

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