Have you ever been watching television and been overwhelmed by the awful feeling that Queen Latifah just told you to buy a pizza? Well she did. Celebrities can lend their voices to commercials for some easy money without the shame of having to travel to Japan to do an ad and then be ridiculed on YouTube six weeks later, which pretty much makes it a win-win for them. You’d be surprised just how many notable actors and actresses have secretly stooped to embarrassing lows. It’s not just Her Royal Highness; some pretty dignified (read: weren’t in The Last Holiday) actors have whored themselves for a quick buck. Here are fifteen of our favorite secret celebrity voice overs.
1 Kevin Spacey — Honda
Ah yes, Kevin Spacey for Honda. Honda — when you need a car that’s both fuel efficient and suggests you’re sexually ambivalent. It’s the car you can take your mom to the Oscars in.
2 John Krasinski — Blackberry
Wouldn’t it make sense for BlackBerry to get somebody more like Jon Hamm than John Krasinski to represent them? Somebody whose voice suggests cool, manly professionalism, rather than a dude who sounds like he’s about two hairs away from blurting out “Zoinks, Scoobs!”?
Was this Budweiser’s ploy to get more women in their late-40’s to drink their beer? Or is George Clooney just trying to get back in touch with middle America after alienating it with his sudden urge to make self-important political movies?
5 Will Arnett — GMC
With a voice deeper than the ocean, it’s no surprise that Arnett was GMC’s choice to be the salesperson for their man-targeted products. It’s another sad consequence of “Arrested Development” going off the air. If Fox had brought the series back, Arnett wouldn’t have had to become a car salesman.
6 Tom Waits – Butcher’s Blend Dog Food
Okay, so maybe Tom Waits isn’t the biggest celebrity in the world, but for those who are familiar with the man, it is more than slightly hilarious to look up his old dog food commercial on YouTube and listen to him whisper, over a bit of jazz, ‘mmm…beef…liver…bacon,’ which simultaneously proves that the 80’s were totally awesome and that Tom Waits could read the ingredients on a box of Bisquick and still sound like the coolest dude on Earth.
7 Gene Hackman — Lowes Home Improvement
Apparently Darth Vader was unavailable, so Lowe’s had to book the second-most evil voice for their commercials. Because when Lex Luthor tells you to buy a patio set, you buy a freaking patio set.
8 Jeff Bridges — Duracel
If Duracell was trying to set themselves apart from Energizer, they certainly did a good job. The image of Jeff Bridges wearing a bathrobe, sunglasses, and clutching a White Russian is about as far from a hot pink rabbit playing a bass drum as humanly possible. But that’s just, like, one opinion, man.
9 Kelsey Grammer — Original Geico Gecko
Yes, that’s right — Kelsey Grammer was the original Geico Gecko. You will notice a drastic improvement in their stock once he left. Perhaps Geico heard the blues a’callin’.
10 Alec Baldwin — Lincoln, Suburu, Sony, MTV, AIG Auto Insurance, Chevrolet, Northwest Airlines, Disney World
Jesus Christ, Alec. Why don’t you give some of this voice-over work to your brothers so they can quit filing for bankruptcy? Aren’t you kind of set for life? Look at poor Stephen, he couldn’t even hold a job hosting “Scare Tactics” and you’re just taking it all for yourself. Tsk. Tsk.
11 Zac Braff — Pur Water Filter
Zach Braff wants you to buy a water filter. We want to buy a Braff filter. But, like our Pur filter, if we had a Braff filer, we’d probably forget to change it every three months and then BAM! “Scrubs” will announce that its on the air for a 20th season.
12 Billy Crudup — Mastercard
Billy Crudup always seemed like one of those serious actors who would refer to their “craft” and take themselves way too seriously. At least he did until you find out he’s the guy who’s been telling you it’s “priceless” to pay for something at a gas station with a credit card.
13 Christian Slater — Panasonic
Panasonic couldn’t afford Jack Nicholson, so they settled for the next best thing – a guy who sounds a lot like him and will work for cheeseburgers!
14 David Duchovny — Pedigree Dog Adoption
There must be a way to get David Duchovny’s sex addiction to play into these commercials. Like maybe he could say “adopt this dog, or I will have sex with it.” That would get some dogs into safe homes really quick.
15 James Spader — Acura
Who knew Acura was a car for off-putting rich a-holes who are creepy and will get you dumped just before prom? Seriously, this might be one to rethink. Because it not only implies that the owner of the car is a total jerk, but also that they are going to age really, really poorly.